I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
