i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
