hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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