if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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