We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
