sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
