hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.