Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.