I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me