yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.