what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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