How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
