You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
