I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
