she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
