Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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