I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
