you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
