Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
