He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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