Well douche your snatch and let's go!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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