This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
