your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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