last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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