I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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