If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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