Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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