I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
