Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
