On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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