He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
