4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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