I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.