remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.