Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.