i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.