I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?