if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You have to summon your inner elephant
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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