We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
