Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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