i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Congratulations! We have a period
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