ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
