Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize