all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
