Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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