I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
