Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
