I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
