why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
