Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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