My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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