O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
