Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
