shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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