I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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