This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
