i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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