I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
