Sponge bath it is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
