So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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