I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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