Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
