so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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