He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
