Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
