sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
