I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
