They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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