that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
